Blogging Challenge

I decided to participate in an unofficial blogging challenge brought to us by http://courage2start.blogspot.com/2011/09/round-3-bloggers-challenge-lets-go.html

Her first challenge is to introduce ourselves, so here goes:

1. Describe yourself in 25 words or less. You can get straight to the point - or bring your creativity into play.

I'm 29 years old living in Central Queensland, I have been overweight for all my adult life. I'm slightly lost in a haze at the moment. Hoping to acheive something amazing and change my life.

2. What brings you to 12wbt? Getting fitter? Losing weight? (Gaining weight??) Are you first timer, a repeat offender??

I joined 12WBt to lose weight. I've tried to lose weight before and always lack motivation. And the fear of the pain and of people seeing me excercise. Oh and the fear of failure.


3. Why do you blog??

I have never actually blogged before, but I don't have any real close friends or family to really share my thoughts with. So I thought I would give blogging a try as a way of documenting my progress, mainly for myself and if anyone decides to read it along the way.


4. Who is your biggest inspiration in life and why (doesn't have to be weight loss)

This is a really difficult question for me to answer at this point in my life. I honestly don't have anything that inspires me. I hope that one day soon I will be able to answer this question with a wonderful empowering response.


5. What things in life bring you the most joy?

Wow these questions are really confronting for me, I feel at the moment that I live a miserable life. I need to do this to find myself, for self discovery, and to find the things that inspire me and make me happy and the amazing person i know i can be.


6.What do you think your greatest challenge is going to be this round?

My biggest challenge will just actually doing it, getting out there and excercising, breaking bad habits and relearning how to be the healthy me.


7. What are you most excited about 12wbt?

The end, to see how I come out at the end! Its all a suprise and no idea how it will end.

8. And what scares the pants off you?

THE PAIN!! I am terrified!

9. Tell me - right now - today - how do you feel about exercise in no more than 10 words

Terrified, scared, unmotivated, But I will do IT.


10. Complete this sentence - in 12 weeks time - on the last day of 12wbt I am going to be feeling

amazing, refreshed, new and successful and ready to beat anything!

First Official Weigh In

So today was the first official weigh in for 12WBT. So here goes with my measurements:
Weight: 127kg
Chest: 137cm
Waist: 142cm
Widest: 134.5cm
Thigh: 70cm

I also took my before photo.Was very difficult seeing what I REALLY look like. Not quite ready to post that one for the internet just yet !

Well I'm off for the evening to deal with all that emotion :)

Criticism

Dealing with the criticism and negativity is probably more difficult then actually trying to lose weight.
Honestly, I have many a time started to try and lose weight and failed, so my family just think I am always going to fail. I have grown up being called a 'fatty' and various other degrading names by family, despite the fact I wasn't overweight until I hit my late teens.

I'm not entirley sure why I gained all the weight I have. At first I think it was just laziness, and thinking 'I'm young I don't need to worry yet'. In my mid 20's it would relate to my depression, relationship break ups, lack of self confidence and self esteem. And then I just got to a point where I thought I would never be able to change this.

Over the last 12 months I have noticed more things I don't do because I don't want people to see how big I have gotten.
I didn't go to my 10 year high school reunion because I thought no one would recognise me now.
At my best friends hens night (as maid of honor) I sat in the corner because I was so embarassed to be out.
I don't go out on weekends with friends anymore.
I went on a cruise a couple of years ago, and I know I didn't enjoy myself nearly as much as I could have, because I was so self conscious and unhappy with myself.

I'm definetly tired of life passing me by! I'm still struggling with excuses. Like today I really want to try one of Michelle Bridges work out DVDS, BUT I currently live at home and if I put it on my PC they will hear the sound and come see what I am doing and most likely shout out some sort of 'joking' criticism.

I'm going to try do it anyway, even turn the sound down and close the curtains. Mish is going to kick some kgs today.

Well thats my short little burst for today. :)

Looking forward to : Looking slim and sexy and comfortable in my body.

Facing the denial

So this week for me is all about denial. I have been in denial for many years about my weight, denying  my actual weight, denying what I have been eating and drinking, denying myself excercise because 'it's to hard'.
Denying myself the real me, the happy me!

SO this is it!! I am done lieing to myself, this year I shall discover the real me. I'm going to work hard, eat healthy, and be the amazing person I know I am somewhere under these kgs!!

Starting weight - 134kgs
Current weight - 127.6 kgs

Goal Weight - anything under 80kgs at this stage. When I get close I shall decide what my weight should be.

One day at a time just killin it :)

Say It Out Loud

So I decided to start a blog, unsure if anyone will read it. But more just for myself. A place to keep a record of how I am doing, what I am thinking.
I signed up to Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. So far we are working on the preseason tasks. Todays was Say it Out Loud. It's about making a commitment. So here is mine

I say I am going to lose my weight all the time, I eat healthy for a couple days and excercise then give up, I saw the 1 kg weight loss and thought it was nothing. It didn't seem like much to me. I am realising just how enormous 1 kg is. For the next 12 weeks and the rest of my life, I am committing myself to accepting each small weight loss for the amazing progress it is and not denying myself the excitement of it.

I don't have family to commit to becuase I have said one to many times that I will lose the weight and always give up. So for now I will commit to myself, my hopefully future children, Michelle and my friend also on 12WBT and to any one who reads this that I will NOT give up this time, no matter how much I hurt, no matter how many days I fall off the band wagon I WILL keep going and I will continure to get better, faster, stronger.

This is for my future, I will relish in my 30s and live better than my 20s!!

I am committed to discovering the new me, through healthy eating, excercise, challenging myself and NEVER giving up.

One day at a time is all it takes to find the real me.

So there it is, tomorrow I am on it. I have prepared myself to eat healthy with lunches ready to take to work. I'll also be doing Tony Ferguson shakes breakfast and dinner due to the fact I am self concisous about having a shake in front of people. Maybe this comes down to the denial I have about my weight. Anyone thats all for now.

Good luck to me,
I am amazing and I deserve this